For a woman..

It did taste like salt. It was rolling all down my wretched face. Not over a woman. I have taken away the journey i had given her. I wiped my moist cheeks not knowing when it will flow over again. I offered her pain when i had nothing to give.It drips again, my thumb brushes it aside. I let her suffer for what i had done. Not a clown anymore? No, i doubt if i had ever been one. The eyes, they keep shrinking, pressing it out. I have not been living by any moral standards, not by any ideals. If it has hurt someone so much, i doubt if i have ever been living. I cannot see, they are standing right on the edges of my eyelashes, forming spheres, i see them now, right now. Not long time ago, i hurt someone, I did not know then. I guess i am capable of it, i believe so now. They do not need anyone's help, not mine anyways. I could see her face when she said 'Game over'.I had killed everything that had come into existence from the day we met. For some time my cheeks have been dry.I have given her a night of agony. How will i ever forgive myself? I have sinned. So it is me, as empty as that. So it is my self and i cannot even ask for forgiveness, for it is only for those who repent their sins. I do not even know mine. I am just the same ordinary 'guy' .I do not live by any codes, i have none at all. I have proved her wrong. I think that is it. Its cold! What can i do, to set it straight? Just keep it shut and no one ever shall feel any better.

I swear by the lady i love.I never meant to hurt anyone. When i cry, it is not for my wound but for hers. I was there, wasn't i? Didn't i always fool around? I want everyone to laugh. Everyone knows that! Was it a crime? She said so, i believe her, and she hasn't given me any reason to think otherwise. I never thought i could hurt anyone so bad. She wanted it to end; i told her i won't shed a drop. This way, i wailed all night. No one has seen me so unarmed.I refuse to use stronger words. Could i be capable of such an act? Could i repel someone so much? I am blinded, i cannot see the guilt.

All this for someone i have seen and talked to. I shudder to think of Her. What if i hurt or give her pain? How can i bare to see her cry? Tears in those eyes, i will want to tear myself apart. She, of all persons should be laughing and smiling, with the sun beating on her hair. I did not know the reason or didn't have one. Now i know why i stopped myself. I shall let her go, not me, not this cold-hearted bastard.

I shall go to sleep, I shall clutch my blankets hard. Something I can hold on to. May be I'll get up tomorrow and all this shall be a dream. I know it is reality. But I cannot help thinking it is just me. Thus, I shall stand alone. I shall leave everyone to mend their own walls. But why stand at all, for you are hurting the legs?